


tough to be tender

by chateauofmyheart



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insecure Simon, Loss of Limbs, Minor Markus/North (Detroit: Become Human), Multi, North needs a hug, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), but it’s canon she admires markus so that’s definitely there, just subtly because it’s a part of north’s past and shaped how she reacts to things, north is a good character you guys are just mean, temporarily, this fic is just about north growing as a person, you can read any of it as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-02 02:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chateauofmyheart/pseuds/chateauofmyheart
Summary: “‘North! North! Are you okay?!’ Josh’s hands were on her, grabbing at her shoulders, which— no, she was not having that. Her gut clenched in panic and she tried to shrug him off, but realized that laying on the floor didn’t give her a lot of leverage.‘I’m fine! Get off of me!’ She snapped, too harsh.”or5 times north helped jericho and one time they helped her





	1. the first level of friendship is self sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> my first work on ao3!! i hope i don’t disappoint
> 
> this all started from an angsty prompt from a friend of mine, and then spiraled into a character study of north because she’s a beautiful fascinating person
> 
> i have no update schedule! i have the first three chapters written and i’ll probably try to finish this within the week

The sounds of bullets against metal and people shouting echoed down the corridor. North pressed her gun to her chest and checked the chamber. One bullet left. Inconvenient but not dangerous, much like the human soldiers raiding their stronghold. She’d just have to be careful.

She could see Josh around the corner, disarming a soldier. He held his gun loosely in his hand as he slammed a sharp elbow into the blank helmet. Fucking pacifist. It was a waste of time; the humans never spared them any bullets. But it didn’t matter now. As long as he didn’t do some dumb shit like try to talk to them.

The heavy thud of footsteps had her thirium pump stuttering. They came from down the corridor. Josh was facing the wrong way. That idiot was going to get himself shot. Before she’d even fully realized it, her body was moving.

Everything blurred.

Two gunshots rang out, echoed by a shout and then another, deeper voice. Her left shoulder and arm burned for a split second and then went numb. A shadow blocked her vision.

North blinked, confused. Her optical units refocused. The shadow was Josh. She flinched away, his face too close and body leaning over hers. 

She ran a playback of her memories. The soldier had been coming and she’d jumped out, shot them, and gotten hit in return. A message popped up in her vision, politely letting her know that non-vital biocomponents were damaged and requesting her to seek repair at the nearest Cyberlife store. She dismissed it, perhaps more aggressively then she needed to.

“North! North! Are you okay?!” Josh’s hands were on her, grabbing at her shoulders, which— no, she was not having that. Her gut clenched in panic and she tried to shrug him off, but realized that laying on the floor didn’t give her a lot of leverage.

“I’m fine! Get off of me!” She snapped, too harsh.

Josh backed off, holding his hands up in surrender. He didn’t move back, just sat next to her, face twisted in worry as she pushed herself up with her one good arm. There was a slight static in her audio processor that came with too much thirium loss. She glanced over to him and their eyes met. Her chest tightened and she quickly looked away. His eyes were too concerned; it was alien to her, made her feel wrong. Exposed. She wanted it gone.

“I thought self-sacrifice was supposed to be my thing,” Josh said, offering her a shaky smile. North clenched her fist.

“Would you rather I let them shoot you?” Shit, that’s not what she wanted to say. “I didn’t have a choice.” Now her voice was too quiet, like the soft murmur her programming used before. Fuck Josh and his concern, messing her up. 

“There’s always a choice.” North looked up in surprise. Josh sounded serious and somber, like Markus rallying their people. It didn’t suit him.

She wanted to tell him that, remind him that he didn’t even like her and they’d never gotten along. The urge to lash out was so strong. 

“I’m gonna need a new arm because of you” she told him instead. Josh looked at her shoulder and winced. Her eyes followed his. Her jacket was torn and stained blue. Wires poked out of the hole and the skin around it had been deactivated, leaving the white chassis gleaming in the dim light. The receptors to her arm had been cut, leaving a blank space of no feeling. It was an odd feeling, a combination of hyper awareness and disconnection from her body.

“Let’s get out of here.” Josh got to his feet and stuck his hand out. He didn’t touch her. North was quietly grateful. She stood up unsteadily, grabbing Josh’s jacket before she could lose her balance. He tried to lock eyes with her again but she stared resolutely forward, releasing his jacket and lifting her arm, waiting until he slid his arm under hers for support. North felt the weight against her back and his hand on her side, too close to her chest and waited for the sickly feeling of disgust to overcome her.

But it never did. Her head buzzed and there was a void from her left shoulder down and she still felt unbalanced, somehow, but Josh’s touch wasn’t repulsive. Not comforting, but something. 

Her thirium pump skipped again and Josh glanced down to her, but said nothing. Slowly, they began to walk.


	2. the second day we see what we have left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> north goes back to new jericho to help her people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a long one!! there’s a sort-of breakdown (@ north let yourself feel things other than rage pls) but nothing major

It had been 17 hours and 24 minutes since the humans had marched in and opened fire on New Jericho headquarters. North looked around at the empty, abandoned factory they’d been using as a safe house. Darkness collected in the corners and looming ceiling, barely held back by the trash can fires dotting the concrete floor. It was drafty; injured and shaken androids huddled around the flames to keep them going. They didn’t feel cold or heat, but there was comfort to be found in the flickering light.

Something in her gut twisted. The revolution was over. Things were supposed to be better now, and yet here they were; forced back into the dark like a bunch of fucking rats. Fury burned through her like electricity, white hot and dangerous. North wanted to scream. Wanted to tear the whole place down.

Her one good fist clenched. The empty void of her left side was still there, pressed to her body and eating the air. She’d disconnected the useless limb to stop from losing more thirium. She could barely see her abandoned arm along one of the walls, disappearing among all the other broken parts. 

A hand brushed her knuckles. North flinched slightly, fist loosening as she pulled her arm away. Josh stood there, awkward and guilty, until she raised an eyebrow to prompt him.

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Josh’s eyes flittered down to her missing arm before returning to her face and said nothing.

“How are we doing?” North asked, tilting her head towards the center of the room. Josh sucked in a simulated breath.

“There’s a lot of injured. You’ve probably noticed that we’re running low on supplies. We had to leave a lot behind.” Josh rubbed his hands together and North noticed the low shine of half-dried thirium under his nails glowing purple in the firelight. She shifted her shoulders back.

“I’ll go.”

“What?” Josh stared at her. “To get supplies? You can’t-“

“I can! What, you think just because I don’t have an arm-“

“You’re going to get yourself killed! What if the humans are still there?”

“That’s a risk I’ll have to take.” North glared at Josh, daring him to protest. Josh glared right back.

“You can’t go alone.” He said firmly. North felt her stomach drop and shook her head.

“You’re not coming with me. You have to stay here and help.” 

“You have one arm!” Josh protested. 

“I can handle myself!” she snapped loudly. Josh’s glare didn’t waver, his mouth pressed into a thin line. 

North felt eyes on her and turned sharply away, tugging her torn coat tighter over her shoulders.

“I’ll be back in a bit” she murmured. Josh didn’t reply.

New Jericho was silent as she crept in through a broken window. The building that was their new home felt like a hollow shell. North wondered how many ghosts were here now and wanted to scream again.

Fucking humans.

She walked through the abandoned halls, keeping her footsteps light and her audio processors raised. There was only the wind shifting dust. No humans. 

And no androids. The sinking feeling in her stomach returned with such a force she almost stopped walking. There were no bodies anywhere. 

She picked up the pace, moving through the halls with wide, scanning eyes. Streaks and spots of evaporated thirium residue stained the floors. After following one trail from a splatter on the wall to the door at the end of the hall, the realization struck. The humans had taken the bodies away.

A dull thud echoed through the still air. North’s fist stayed pressed to the wall, knuckles white from the impact. Distantly she could feel her body vibrating. They hadn't even gotten the respect of burying their own dead. 

North thought back to the junkyard Markus had showed her the first time they’d interfaced. She could picture it now; broken thirium-stained corpses piled on scrap heaps. Just the humans’ old toys they no longer wanted.

It wasn’t fair.

North didn’t know how much longer she stood there, fist against the wall and trembling from horrified rage. She squeezed her wet eyes shut and forced the trembles to stop. She had work to do. She couldn’t break down when her people needed her. She couldn’t be selfish.

She found the storage room quickly after that. Everything was where they’d left it. She went over to a shelf and began looking through it for a compatible part. Replacing her arm was necessary if she was going to get anything done.

Finally she found one. It clicked into place decisively. The left-side void disappeared. She clenched and unclenched the fist, rolled her shoulders forward and up, bent her elbow. All clear.

Two large carry bags of thirium packets, thirium pump regulators, various processors and other assorted biocomponents and North was off, creeping through ghost-filled halls and thirium-stained doors. Silence followed her out into the early dawn light and all the way to the abandoned factory.

An GJ500 with a bullethole in his chest met her at the door. A self-appointed security guard, she guessed. He gave North a once over, eyes pausing at the bags at her side, before nodding in recognition and stepping aside. Josh was there immediately.

“You’re okay” he said, more to himself.

A small voice in her mind told her to smile, a leftover fragment of her programming to make her more appealing. North didn’t smile. “There wasn’t anyone there. I grabbed as much as I could.” Josh looked to her new arm. “I can take a team and we can get more.” North held his gaze, waiting for him to protest. 

“Okay. I’ll ask around.” And that was it. He turned and began talking to a small group of androids nearby. North noticed one of them had a large scar on her mouth. Her gut twisted.

“Josh.”   
He turned back to her, brows furrowing as curiosity turned to worry. Her gut twisted further.

“They- the humans, they took them. The bodies. There’s no one left.” His face twisted, distorted by surprise and disappointment and disgust and North thought she even saw a glimmer of anger.

“Why?” And that was the question, wasn’t it? Why had the humans killed them after promising them freedom, why had they killed them before? Why did they hate androids so fucking much? Why had they even created them, despite all the villainizing stories?

“I don’t know.” It was barely a whisper. North clenched her fists and for a second was caught off guard by the quiet relief in having both arms again. She thought about the hollow shell of their home, another sanctuary destroyed. “It’s just... empty.”

“Josh?” One of the androids, an ST300, had wandered over. North gazed at her, wondering how much she’d heard. Josh turned his body towards her, face smoothing out. Making himself more approachable.

North didn’t stay to listen. She had a team to put together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> josh: i care about you and im worried you’ll get hurt  
> north: ????????? fuck you


	3. what we do when the sun goes away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> north isn’t really the comforting type (but she still tries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the insecure simon tag finally becomes relevant! he’s a hard character to write but i did my best

North watched Simon out of the corner of her eye. His body language screamed uncomfortable; his mouth and shoulders were drawn tight, arms stiff at his sides. A glance towards Markus told her he was busy talking to Josh on the other side of the office. She stood alone near the door and observed.

They had moved back to New Jericho after a couple of tense, boring days. Markus was heading over to D.C. to talk to some representative committee about what exactly had happened. He’d asked North to come along. Simon was in charge, Josh was his advisor.

And Simon wasn’t happy about it. Or at least, as far as North could tell. And she had gotten very good at telling when people were unhappy in her short life. It meant the difference between survival and deactivation.

When Markus had told them about his plan roughly 16 minutes ago, North could see Simon shut down. He hadn’t shown any real outward signs, but he had curled in on himself slightly and spoken even less than usual. Just a couple words to acknowledge he’d heard. She knew Markus had noticed, there was no way he hadn’t, but he hadn’t had the time to check on Simon. There were simply too many things to do and decide before they left tomorrow, she reasoned.

The meeting dismissed and Simon left before North could begin to decide what to do. Discomfort sat heavy in her gut. But she was curious. Didn’t he want to be in charge?

She found him an hour later in the meeting room, leaning over a tablet. One solitary light shone on his hunched form, darkness swimming across the floor. Simon, clearly unaware of her in the doorway, left out an unnecessary sigh and ran a hand through his blonde hair. It glowed brilliantly as the strands caught the artificial light.

“Getting ready for next week?” Simon startled, letting out a little high-pitched noise. North positioned herself against the doorframe, arms crossed. Something flittered over Simon’s face as he registered her presence. It wasn’t happy.

Simon glanced down, shoulders just as tight as they’d been 76 minutes ago. “Just going over Markus’s notes.”

“Think you can handle it?” Simon’s head snapped up, face blank but eyes angry.

“You think I can’t?”

North pushed off the doorframe, moving further into the room. “That’s not what I asked. Do you think you can?”

Simon’s glare faltered. He didn’t respond.

“You didn’t seem too happy when Markus put you in charge. What, you’d rather Josh or I do it?”

“No” he replied, too fast and too loud. Nervous.

“Then what’s the problem?” North pushed. She’d made it across the room and was standing in the other side of the desk. Simon broke eye contact.

“I just- don’t want to mess up.” His shoulders slumped down, but he didn’t seem to have relaxed any. In fact, now he looked more stressed than before. North knew her presence didn’t comfort anyone, and she didn’t want it to, but a small part of her wished he didn’t dislike her so much. Not that he wasn’t justified.

“You’ve been leader before. Before Markus” she offered. 

“Exactly! Before Markus! He’s just- natural. He’s a natural leader. I’m not.” North furrowed her brows.

“You’re upset because you’re not Markus?” He hesitated a second before nodding miserably. “That’s bullshit.”

“What?” Simon gaped at her like an idiot.

“You’re not Markus. No one expects you to be Markus. You lead them before and no one said a fucking word against you.” Simon looked like he was going to argue but she didn’t give him the chance. “Look, dumbass, you’ll do fine. Josh is here and you can always call us. Our people are not your enemies. You helped lead them through a goddamned revolution. If anything they respect you.”

Simon stared at her. North wasn’t sure he believed her. She wouldn’t believe her either. Comforting people really wasn’t her thing. But she had nothing else to say. She left.

“Wait, North!” She made it three steps out the door before Simon ran up to her. He had a slight blue-violet flush in his cheeks. Outside of the dark office, under the softer hallway lights, he looked younger. Less tense. “Do you mean that?”

North stood still for a second, observing Simon’s quiet hopefulness. She turned and kept walking.

“I don’t say shit I don’t mean” she tossed over her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> simon doesn’t actually dislike north! but there’s a bit of tension between them about markus. north just expects people to not like her


	4. baptize me with ocean, recognize my devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> north and markus have a moment to find peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can read this as platonic or romantic, the point is that north very much admires markus
> 
> chapter title comes from don’t judge me by janelle monáe
> 
> also thank you very much for all the comments!! i didn’t expect so much feedback, it’s very encouraging!

Senator Wolfe did not live up to his name. There wasn’t a speck of loyalty or nobility in his frail, sagging body. Markus had been politely trying to get answers about the raid, but every time he spoke Wolfe would cut him off and say some shit about androids that was either a bullshit stereotype or flat-out untrue. North was ready to kill him and every other human in this pretentious building.

But Markus didn’t need anymore stress than he was already dealing with. He was the one trying to negotiate information with these dickweeds. Her exploding would only give them more reason to be uncooperative.

What nearly broke her was the realization that Markus was about ready to crack too. He hid it well, but after catching him clenching his fists under the desk it became obvious. His anger resonated with hers, reverberating until she felt like she would be crushed by the pressure of it. She couldn’t do a thing but watch Wolfe and the other senators like a viper about to strike, metaphorical teeth bared. They avoided looking at her. It was a small victory.

It was only until after meeting, in the safety of their hotel apartment that Markus allowed himself to be exhausted. He’d held his back straight and kept his words clear and remained unfazed by the racist comments the whole time. He was so strong. It was easy to understand Simon’s insecurity. No one could ever be like Markus. 

North had gone out for a second to get extra pillows from the reception. The softness was new to her, a small weakness she allowed herself to indulge in. They were downy cotton polyester, not the fake silk that they had used at- North cut that thought off. She wouldn’t think about that hellhole, not when the anger under her skin was already so loud. 

When she came back to the room Markus was sitting on the bed, a shadow against the thin-curtain glow, staring at his hands. They were shaking. North quickly dumped the pillows on the floor and sat down next to him. He didn’t look at her. She didn’t know what to say. 

“I just don’t understand why they refuse to respect us” he finally said. “Some of those senators wouldn’t even look me in the eye.” Markus had never sounded so defeated. But this wasn’t the revolution anymore. Wasn’t a battle, not in the physical sense. It was politics, and North had always been better with her body. Victory was a distant, intangible thing. She brushed her shoulder against his.

Her programming urged her to reassure him with a soft, delicate voice that made her nauseous every time she’d used it. She ignored it. 

She had so much venom in her mouth she wanted to spit. She wanted to curse the humans and their pointless hatred. Vitriol sat right behind her teeth. But that wasn’t what Markus needed right now. 

North held her tongue. Silently she offered him her hand.

Markus lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. Are you sure? they seemed to ask. Markus knew North wasn’t entirely comfortable with interfacing yet, still felt so vulnerable letting him into her head. But this wasn’t about her.

She nodded.

It was indescribable, what she felt as their skin peeled back. Like a rush of static from an old tv, the warm flickering of firelight, the soft movement of water against a dock. And Markus. His presence, his voice without the sound, the coding that made him up; a unique pattern of ones and zeros. All twining with her, filling her completely as she filled him. It was walls torn down and metal melding together. It was them.

A part of her wanted to push him away, couldn’t stand the overwhelming openness. A part of her never wanted to let go. 

Flashes of today’s meeting, Senator Wolfe’s reedy voice and old men in suits glancing at each other raced by, mixed with bits of Jericho; Simon’s blue-violet tinged face and Josh’s deep laugh and North’s own face, determined eyes and curved lips. And Carl, the human painter Markus loved, sitting in his wheelchair, showing off a tattoo on his arm. It was all too much.

Markus drew his hand away, maybe realizing North had reached her limit. Disconnecting was water receding and lights dimming down. It was bridges quietly crumbling to dust. It wasn’t painful. Her heart swelled with relief and sank with the loss. Gratitude was like heartburn.

“Do you miss him?” It was a stupid question. Of course Markus missed him. He was Markus’s father figure, which North didn’t understand but accepted. For a human, Carl wasn’t all bad. The cold feeling of inadequacy she’d locked up in the back her mind clawed at the bars. Markus just smiled at her.

“Everyday” was all he said. North felt herself smile back. It was foreign to her, the urge to smile without any sort of programming dictating she should. But Markus seemed to make her feel things she’d never felt before. Sometimes being near him was like drowning. But it was a sweet ache.

She looked at her arms, bare and unblemished, and thought of Carl’s tattoos. They were all strange designs, creative in a way she could never be. Markus seemed to like them. She thought maybe she’d like them if Markus were the one who made them. A thought nudged the back of her mind.

“Markus?” North spoke without thinking. She froze, gut twisting. It was a stupid idea, Markus would probably find it silly anyways. But there he was, looking at her with his mismatched eyes. 

“What is it?” God, he sounded so caring. She wasn’t the one who needed comfort and yet he offered it so freely. She couldn’t understand it, couldn’t understand him.

“It’s nothing” she tried to dismiss, but his low voice stopped her.

“North. You can talk to me.” North felt like screaming again. Wordlessly she grabbed his hand, showing him her stupid idea so she didn’t have to say it out loud. She kept her eyes on the bedsheets. 

The quiet static buzz faded as Markus pulled his hand away. She could feel his eyes on her. Then he moved away. Cold, violent panic burst in her stomach and she looked over before she could stop herself. He bent over, rummaging through his bag. North watched in confusion as he pulled out what looked to be a pen.

“Do you mind?” Markus say down next to her again. Warmth flared in her chest, diminishing the earlier panic. She nodded and shoved her arm towards him. A little too late she realized her hand was very close to his thighs. Markus just hummed and started drawing.

The pen tip felt unlike any other sensation she’d ever felt before. Another first. With Markus. It was smooth, a light pressure of lines flowing along her synthetic skin. North found herself lost in the rhythm of it. Markus’s hands didn’t hold her, just rested under her arm gently as support. It was nice.

They sat quietly in the warm thin-curtain glow, soft cotton polyester pillows at their feet, until both of North’s arms were covered in intricate geometric lines. Markus gazed down at his work. 

“Thank you, North.”

North wanted to reply that she hadn’t done anything, but Markus looked more relaxed than she’d seen him since the end of the revolution. Maybe she did do something after all. Maybe.

She nodded and felt her lips curling up again without prompting. Markus smiled back. 

There was nothing to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let north be happy and comfortable with herself and her friends 2kforever


	5. forged in a fire (with a steel core)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lucy is a strange creature and north gets caught in her own mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve read this so many times it doesn’t mean anything anymore! i hope my weird poetic rambling makes sense
> 
> also lucy is still alive because fuck canon lives. she’s the definition of underrated i haven’t seen any fic of her at all
> 
> the vibes i was going for was when you come home from a trip and everything is familiar in a detached sort of way, like the house had to get used to you again. makes for a weird headspace and the opportunity for some interesting moments

New Jericho truly felt like home when she returned to it, the familiarity catching her off-guard. She’d never had a place that she felt belonged to her; only ever had chemical-washed glass pods and old rusting ships and dusty abandoned churches. 

Ownership was a strange feeling to someone who’d been owned for so long. 

According to Josh and the androids who came to meet them, Simon had done well as leader. Something like pride sparked in her. Markus was elated to be back. He hugged Simon so hard North thought Simon would have to replace a biocomponent. Simon had just blushed his blue violet smile and welcomed them back. Josh bumped his shoulder into hers.

“Have fun?” North snorted.

“Oh yeah, trying to convince humans that we don’t deserve to be exterminated like cockroaches is my new favorite thing. Might make it a hobby” she said, teeth sharp. Josh rolled his eyes, a little uncomfortable with the viciousness in her voice. North didn’t care. 

“Well, Markus called debrief in the meeting room in two hours. You can tell me all about it there.” Josh told her, walking off.

“I definitely will!” she called after him. He waved, not looking back.

North decided to forego sitting in her room and let herself wander around, drinking up the contentment of being home. Something had changed, she could feel it, but she couldn’t tell what. Like everything had shifted a little to the left.

She passed by the meeting room and noticed a small stain of dried thirium she’d missed before sitting innocently on the wall as an ugly reminder. She thought back to New Jericho, abandoned and missing even the dead. The hollowness of it all. Dried thirium flaked under her nails as she scratched it away.

Androids offered her greetings and smiles as she walked by, which was the startling in the wrong way. She’d been acknowledged by them before, but it had tasted like intimidated respect. Now it was lighter, more friendly. North could feel her guard coming up but forcibly pushed it down. They don’t mean anything by it, she reminded herself.

Lucy was standing, hands together, alone in her room when North found her. Her eyes were fixed on some intangible point ahead of her. The future maybe, North thought and wanted to laugh. Though, maybe it wasn’t such a ridiculous thought. Lucy held the same sort of power Markus did; something wise and ethereal, but so much more vast. Markus kept his controlled and concentrated like a white hot flame. Lucy was a cold fog, filling the room with her presence.

Lucy’s room had no bed, only plush carpet and a large sky-blue sofa in the middle for androids to sit and talk. North didn’t want to talk. Lucy turned to her.

“North.” Her voice was metal on metal, twisted from silver into copper like the wires down her back. Another android irreparably damaged by humans. The kinship almost cancelled out the unease.

“Lucy” North greeted. Discomfort wriggled through her. What was she doing here? She almost turned around and walked out the door.

“You came here for a reason.” That made her stop. 

Lucy watched her through black eyes. North wanted to run away- no, she wanted those eyes gone. They seemed so full of something she couldn’t name, like ghosts in hallways and warm fire. North thought again of the morning she’d come here, alone. She thought of the dawn light, stepping out of the darkness.

“Have you watched the sunrise since the revolution?” she blurted, avoiding Lucy’s unasked question, or maybe it was a prediction. North couldn’t read her. Lucy tilted her head.

“I’ve watched many things.” North stared at the spots where the synthetic skin couldn’t maintain itself, revealing blue-white chassis, shift across Lucy’s face like clouds. “The sun has been setting for a long time.”

“After the meeting, with Markus- it’ll be dawn in a few hours. I can take you up to the roof. It’s peaceful there.” North didn’t know why she was offering. The roof was her sanctuary. It was her space.

“Come here.” North bristled at the command but walked over. The clouds of chassis on Lucy’s face hovered around her cheekbones and along her nose like bruises. She took North’s hand in hers. North clenched her teeth.

Hot liquid metal filled her head. It was like interfacing with Markus, yet it wasn’t. She could feel Lucy press carefully at the edges of her mind, patient and assured. North wondered what she was looking for and tried not to think about what she would find. Panic built in her chest. The invasion was too much, every instinct screamed at her to fight or run, to close her mind and protect herself. Just as North was about to yank her hand back the heat drained away, leaving her cold and lightheaded.

“You were forged in fire, like a sword. Even now you are burning. What will you do with those flames?” North stared at her, eyes unfocused, nausea crawling up her throat. Her mind raced, told her to swing at something, to lash out and run away. She felt herself stumbling back. Her eyes refocused and she managed to pull herself together. Lucy bowed her head.

“I would like to see the sun, if your offer still stands.” Her voice crackled, smooth metal underneath. It was a peace offering, North realized. She hadn’t intended to hurt her. Great job with that one, her mind whispered bitterly. The clouds on Lucy’s face brushed across her forehead. North swallowed down the panic and gave a jerky nod.

She turned to leave but something in her made her glance back. Lucy looked smaller, sitting on her large blue couch. The wires trailed down behind her. Like a waterfall, North thought. A fountain of knowledge.

 

She ended up staying quiet during the meeting, head filled with static and wispy, unformed thoughts. She stood by Markus as he talked, feeling the vibrations of his voice fill the air and settle in her chest. She left the meeting with her head as fuzzy as it had been when she entered. Only until she was in Lucy’s doorway did she even remember her promise of telling Josh about the trip. She shoved the thought away.

Lucy was silent as they moved up the stairs. They went slow, Lucy’s extensive damaging keeping her from being able to balance herself properly. Not for the first time, North wished there was someway they could repair her. Maybe she was a little impatient.

They stepped out under an ember red sky. Frigid wind whipped through North’s hair. They couldn’t stay here long, not with Lucy’s exposed wires. North guided her over to a raised ventilation shaft, a place to sit if so needed. Lucy remained standing. 

North had to admire her. She didn’t know how well she would handle carrying such obvious scars of human cruelty. No one knew what they had done to her unless she chose to tell them. Lucy didn’t have a choice.

The thought that maybe Lucy didn’t care struck North hard. She had defined herself by destroying what the humans had created her to be, gave herself hard edges and sharpened her words until no one could look at her and see a pliant, willing doll. Lucy had just... survived.

North considered ownership again, the strange murkiness of having things that belonged only to her. The lines on her arms itched under her jacket. Like a brand. The thought was a bullet in her chest.

She didn’t belong to Markus. He wasn’t like those disgusting humans. He didn’t wrap his hands around her neck or hips. He offered his hands to hold. He was support. Her bond with him was not made of chains.

Lucy shifted next to her and North forced her body to not startle. The sun glared over the horizon, or maybe she did. Lucy was a motionless form against the growing light and North was reminded of those ancient statues, cast in marble and half-destroyed by the humans that had built them. Together they gazed out until the sun had climbed the concrete building tops.

North looked over. Lucy’s black eyes reflected the yellow light. The clouds on her face drifted lazily along her jaw. The wires poured knowledge.

Lucy met her eyes wordlessly and turned her back to the fully-risen sun. The wind pressed insistently against North’s side. 

Again North found herself pausing in the doorway, looking back to the bright sky, the sun suspended above the cityscape like one of Markus’s paintings. Something had changed, she knew for certain. Maybe it was her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this was all a mess!! finally i just had to post it


	6. like phoenix, reborn through the blaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> north exorcises a ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry this took so long!! i’ve been busy, which is a bad excuse but it’s all i have. i’m so happy to have completed this and i’m proud of what i’ve written. i hope you liked it too!!

North never got tired of the sunset.

She found herself on the roof at least once a week, cold wind in her hair and eyes on the horizon. Lucy was always there, standing marble-statue still next to her. Sometimes they talked. Often they didn’t.

Markus was rarely visible anymore, tucked away in meeting rooms and offices. He must’ve been exhausted, but when North saw him in the hallways he glowed with power. Like a young god yet to tire of the world.

Simon, Josh and North were acolytes, gathered in hallway corners and beside storage racks. They talked about Markus often, about his progress with the humans and the adoration of the androids. And sometimes just the young god himself; his words and his eyes and his bright power.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Markus’s voice rang out behind them. North turned from her position against the wall and felt the others do the same behind her.

“Hi, Markus” Simon spoke up first, leaning forward to see him. North’s eyes traced the amusement lining Markus’s face. 

“Hi, Simon” he parroted back. “Come to the meeting room, all of you. I have something to discuss.” His eyes lingered on North before he walked off. Acolytes that they were, they followed. 

“What do you think it is?” Josh muttered as they walked along a couple steps behind. North bet Markus could hear them. 

“Whatever it is, it’s important enough that he wants all of us there” Simon intoned back, voice low as well. North almost rolled her eyes.

“Well, hopefully it’ll be something fun.” North didn’t bother to muffle her voice. They stared at Markus’s back. It didn’t tell them anything.

The meeting room lights were dimmed as they came in and North had a flash of memory; Simon, defeated and conflicted, hair glowing above his shadowed face. Alone. Present Simon stood by the desk now in full light, face turned to Markus with open adoration.

It all seemed to come back to Markus in the end.

Josh moved into her line of sight before bumping his shoulder into hers. They held gazes for a moment. 

“Josh and Simon, can I talk to you?” Markus looked to her, apology written in the curve of his mouth. North gave a single nod and settled into her spot against the doorframe. Low murmurs drifted over broad shoulders. Josh glanced at her. Then Simon. Josh again. 

The looks started to piss her off. North stared right back until Markus motioned her over.

There was a nervous excitement in Josh’s face as she approached, which immediately had her on her guard. They wanted a reaction from her. She squeezed her fists tight and released them.

“They closed the Eden Club” Markus said bluntly.

“Markus bought the building” Josh added.

“I’m giving it to you. You can do whatever you want with it.”

North didn’t respond. There was static in her head and a burning in her eyes, like the lights had suddenly turned on in the dark. Distantly she registered a warning for her thirium pump.

The Eden Club had always been something insurmountable to her, an evil that would always exist. North had never dreamed of its destruction; she was too busy running away. The idea of it disappearing had never even crossed her mind. It had existed before her and the only objective was to put as much distance between it and herself as possible. Only after hearing the word “gone” did she realize she’d been carrying it with her all along. It was a heavy ghost.

Markus’s face swam into view and she blinked. Her optical units refocused. Worry, laid bare in front of her. They were all staring.

Her emotions were a violent tangle, like someone had pulled out all her biocomponents and put rattlesnakes in their place. They hissed and shook, baring their teeth through her plastic skin. Poison pooled in her crowded chest.

“North?” Markus’s voice was warm, melted concern. But she was a raging fire. His godly glow dimmed next to her sunlit fury.

“Let’s burn it down.”

 

Standing in front of the Eden Club, its sign gone and rooms empty, North felt the rattlesnakes in her throat. Coming here had been painful, every step jolting through her wires. She’d promised herself she’d never come back.

But this was not defeat. This was victory. She stood now before the ruins of a place that had held so much misery it dripped from the walls. This was the empire fallen. This was the end of an era.

The fire roared and ate and burned and North burned with it. It was so bright and angry, yet hopeful. She gazed into the blaze and Jericho stood behind her; Markus and Josh and Simon, the other WR400s and HR400s who’d been trapped here, and Lucy, as if it were dawn again and the red glow was the sun rising. The dawn of a new day. 

The fire raged through the nighttime. Humans collected at the edges of the crowd. It seemed the beauty of destruction was irresistible.

North stared into the inferno until it was only embers, and then ash. The smell of burning lingered in the air, clung to her hair and clothes. Above, the sun began to rise.

It was gone.

Salted and burned, what had been hell was now hallowed ground. Her ghost, the heavy, miserable empire that it was, had been exorcised. The rattlesnake poison in her chest drained away. North stood tall and proud, Jericho behind her. The sun climbed the the buildings around them. Her fists unclenched.


End file.
